


Bend With Your Knees, Atlas

by CelestialxAdventure



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Solo - Freeform, F/M, Kylo Ren - Freeform, Rey - Freeform, Reylo - Freeform, Star Wars - Freeform, WW3, sequel trilogy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:40:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22172698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelestialxAdventure/pseuds/CelestialxAdventure
Summary: The planet has entered the third world war, and conscription has enlisted all the young adults in the township of Ahch to. Rey Kanata has one more night before she leaves, maybe never to come home again. Between the fine lines of her whole world being tipped upside down, she's somehow found herself and Ben Solo performing a dance of mishaps, near misses and saving lives.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a real life AU that's supposed to emulate our world at the moment, and what will probably happen if it all goes to shit. I've taken real planets and moons out of SW and made them towns. I've also changed around the military heaps. Don't @ me pls

She was supposed to be with Finn and Poe tonight. Rey looked at the clock on her bedside table. In ten minutes she was supposed to be on the lakes edge in the only enclosed body of water in their town.

But in ten minutes she’ll be sitting on her bed, alone, staring at the small duffle bag on her floor holding everything she’s allowed to bring with her.

Finn had left her to spend the night with his new girlfriend, Rose, who had been part of the engineering corps for years, and was due to ship out to the middle east in a week. Poe was…not happy that Finn was with Rose, and even unhappier that the air force weren’t immediately letting him fly into battle.

Rey had had her last shift at work that morning. It was a small café that served good coffee and better eggs on toast, and she had been sad to walk away.

No one would be needing almond milk lattes and eggs on the front.

When the US president had bombed Iran, taking its second most powerful man with it, they had threatened war.

Iran had bombed air force bases in the middle east belonging to them. Then North Korea had joined in along with Russia. It was a clusterfuck of countries wanting to bomb other countries and an eternal pissing contest.

When the war was announced, it was almost like the country was releasing a sigh. People knew they would have to serve.

But no one in Ahch To expected the national conscription announcement to select their town out of the millions in the USA and Canada, to send all their viable young adults to war.

There weren’t many young adults or teenagers in Ahch To, but the twenty that did exist had chosen quite quickly where they were going. There were scientists, engineers, pilots and medical students being sorted into categories and being shuffled off to bases.

But those who didn’t decide, the ones like Rey, were being shipped off in the morning.

Mobile infantry, they called them. Run of the mill soldiers, being told what to do and where to shoot.

There was puttering around the house, and the sound of dishes being put away. Rey’s adoptive mom Maz was most likely cleaning up after a very one-sided dinner. But it was only when she heard other voices that she tensed up and averted her eyes from her book.

“Maz, it was bound to happen.” A rough feminine voice stated. “They aren’t going to put children on the front lines, though. Rey will most likely be put on security.”

Leia was a long time friend of Maz, and Rey diligently called her ‘Aunt Leia’. She had been a general once upon a time serving alongside her husband, but now she lived a quiet life whilst Han was the town mechanic.

Their one and only son was Rey’s co-worker.

They didn’t really get along.

Ben Solo was the rich kid all through school. He had also pulled Rey’s hair and pushed her off the playground and bumped into her purposefully. The older they got, and the more he filled out his body (but not his nose), he had stopped being outwardly mean and they both had a silent agreement to just not talk unless completely necessary.

He was her complete opposite in more ways than one. He was tall and broad and had freckled alabaster skin with short dark hair. When they both graduated last week, he had made valedictorian and gotten a full ride to Yale. Rey had just barely graduated. She was short and tan with medium brown hair and she had no family running after her like Ben had.

She loved her aunt Leia but her son was a twat.

“Leia, they’re desperate. You’ll have no choice.”

_You?_

I chose that moment to get up from my bed and tiptoe over to the door.

“I’m not putting children on the front lines, Maz. I’m going back in to strategize, and our strategy is to not kill people.”

Leia was going back into war. Hadn’t she gone through enough? Hadn’t they all gone through enough?

There was a series of footsteps and then a sudden knock on her door which made her scramble backwards onto her bed.

She tried to situate herself nonchalantly before awkwardly muttering a “come in?” and shifting again.

The door cracked open, and instead of Leia or Maz it was Ben.

“um…hello.” It sounded like more of a question coming out of her mouth.

He smiled tensely but it kind of looked like an uncomfortable grimace.

“Hi.” He sucked on his teeth for a sec. “My dad asked me to come by and see if you still had that spanner set that he lent you. The one in the red case?’

It took one awkward moment for his words to register to her as a question.

“Oh, um yeah I have it in the garage. Follow me.” She moved past him, squeezing tight to the door frame as to not accidently touch him, and made a move towards the back door.

“I’m sorry you don’t have to follow me if you don’t want to. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Rey hated this. It was so painfully awkward and she kind of just wanted to shrivel up into a ball.

Ben shrugged. “I don’t mind.”

They both nodded at each other and made for the back door.

It was just painful how uncomfortable the silence was.

The sun had just set over the horizon, and the ocean behind Rey’s garage was still glowing. Her and Maz didn’t live on the rich side of Ahch To, where the back yards were facing the river and the bridge that led to the mainland. On the poorer side of the island, even a simple gust of wind was enough to send the small garage off the cliff face and into the ocean.

Rey pulled open the door and flicked the switch. The garage was just how she left it: an absolute mess. There was a lawnmower sitting on the worktop and some old children’s toys that she had been fixing up to donate were scattered on a small bench pressed into the corner.

“Here.” Rey pulled the red case from underneath a pile of spare power tool batteries and spun to give it to Ben, but he was off by the bench lifting a soldier figurine into the light.

“Sorry, it’s a mess in here. I don’t normally have guests. I was going to donate those next week once I fix the issue with the wobbly limbs, but I don’t have the time. Obviously.”

He nodded and turned the figurine over. “This was mine when I was a kid. I bit into it right here.” He pointed out the left leg, which surely enough had small teeth marks.

“Your mom dropped a box of these off a while ago. Are they all yours?”

He surveyed them quietly. Then nodded.

Rey had noticed that Ben was a quiet person after he’d started high school, which somehow didn’t affect his popularity, but she never realised how quiet. Everything he did was careful and calculated, from his words to his movement.

“I mean, if you want them back just take them. They were just going to the children’s home.”

Ben shook his head and placed the figure back down onto the bench.

“I’m going to be holding a gun in a few days anyway. No need to pretend.”

The chills hit her at once. There was a possibility that one, or both of them, would not come back from this war. They would lay down their lives for their country and fight until their dying breath.

“Thanks for the tools. Dad will be happy to have them back.”

A crack of thunder boomed from outside and Rey made for the door. A flash of lightning soon followed.

“We should get back up before the rain starts…” Rey began to walk through the door when what felt like a bucket of water just landed on her. The rain had started.

She grabbed Ben’s wrist and started running through the torrential downpour to the house. It was coming down in warm sheets and it soaked Rey through immediately.

As soon as they reached the house Maz came running.

“Oh Ben! Your mother just left. She called out of you and when you didn’t reply she thought you had already gone home. You’re soaked.”

She shuffled around for a towel to drape across his shoulders and pushed him gently towards Rey’s room.

“These things never last long. Why don’t you two wait it out whilst you catch up? Rey don’t you have the fan in your room?”

Rey dutifully nodded and led Ben back into her small room, pointing him to the desk chair in front of the fan (which was just spewing warm air at this point) and retreated onto her own bed.

“I’ll call an uber or something. I’ll leave you to have a relaxing last night.” He pulled his phone out of his back pocket and clicked a few times before sighing. “Actually, could I borrow a phone charger for a little bit. It’s dead.”

She pulled the cord from between her pillows and passed it to him. “Sure. I don’t mind.”

He smiled politely at her before plugging in his phone and setting it on her desk.

“So those toy soldiers? The ones in my garage? How old are they?” Rey asked, pulling a pillow forward to hug.

“About fifteen years old. Dad got them for me when Mom was deployed. He said that the soldiers were sent by her to protect me.”

Rey smiled. “That’s sweet. So why on earth would you bite the leg of one of them?”

He chuckled lightly and shrugged. “I have no idea. I think I had anger issues when I was a kid.”

Rey gaped at him and stared. “You think? You were a brat!”

“Surely I wasn’t that bad?”

“You were that bad!”

They bickered back and forth, the conversation naturally shifting to whatever topic was next on the list. Rey smiled at the thought she had earlier of Ben being silent. He was talkative once you got him going, and the spark didn’t leave until the fight was over.

They spoke about their childhoods and school and Ahch To and how the possibility of them getting conscripted was a very very slim chance, yet it still happened.

The next thing Rey knew was that three hours had passed, her candle had burnt all the way down and Ben’s phone was still off. They had both moved around the room, from the floor, to the desk to the bed to the floor again and finally they were both situated across from each other on Rey’s colourful sheets.

“You’re wrong. Marvel is better than DC! Just look at the movie franchises and what people actually watched!” Rey was leaning forward towards Ben.

“No” Ben laughed, “DC had substance. Nothing was ever just a happy ending. There was a plot and death and…and…the joker!”

Rey poked him in the chest. “You’re wrong. You’re so wrong! Watching a DC movie is like watching those shitty porn intros! There’s no plot and the acting is shitty.”

Ben gaped at her and his lips formed words that he couldn’t quite say. “I’m sorry, it’s like watching a _what_ intro?”

The giggle tore itself from Rey’s throat before she could stop it. “I swear I don’t actively sit there and look for bad porn.”

He still looked doubtful.

“Ben, if you tell your mother that I’m talking about sharks in the bathtub I’m going to drive off a cliff.” He snorted but something changed in his posture.

“Speaking of your mom, I didn’t know she was going back on duty?”

Rey swore Ben’s face blanched. He ran a hand through his hair and shifted.

“I didn’t know until yesterday. Neither did my dad. It was a difficult conversation.”

Rey knew she didn’t have the best experience with family. She actually had no experience. Even though Maz was legally her mother, she was nothing but a cool friend who would occasionally cook and offer advice. Rey’s parents were pretty shitty people. They had dropped her off at pre-school one morning and never came back for her.

She laughs now when she thinks back, just due to how dramatic it seemed. But deep down it still hurt how the two people who had raised her for four years had just abandoned her on a normal Wednesday.

“I’m sorry. Leia is…amazing, and tough and smart. She wants what’s best for everyone, even if that means causing a bit of pain.” Rey shuffled over and bumped his shoulder with hers. “Your mom is like a band-aid. She just wants you to be safe.”

Ben smiled softly. He looked alarmingly like Leia at times, and Rey hated to admit that her awesome ‘aunt’ was even remotely related to the boy that had tormented her for years.

“Where did they station you?” Ben’s voice sounded different now. Softer, less defensive.

“Mobile infantry. You?”

“Air force.” Ben smiled. His dad had been a pilot. Like father like son.

“Poe, from lit class, is also going into the air force. Finn is coming into mobile infantry with me, but we’re in different training camps.”

“Yeah I always thought those two were together.”

Rey smiled conspiratorially. “Yeah so did Poe. But Rose is cool, so I don’t really mind that I’m no longer third wheeling my two best friends.”

Ben laughed and leaned back onto her pillows. “It’s so strange that a month ago I thought I’d be going to college this fall. But now…”

Rey nodded and placed a hand over his own. “I know.”

“We could even die. This isn’t anything like Call of Duty.” Ben was joking, but his tone had shifted.

“There is a chance. Any regrets in life up to this moment?”

“I wish I got a girlfriend in high school, instead of being so wrapped up in my GPA.”

Rey laughed. “I thought you dated Gwen Phasma?”

“Oh god no.” he looked horrified. “Gwen was terrifying.”

Rey was inclined to agree. The tall blonde woman that went through school with this was as violent as they came, but she had a good sense of humour and was pretty hot, so boys tended to fawn over her.

“What about you?” Ben turned his head towards her and raised an eyebrow.

Rey scooted over to lay down beside him. It was awkward sitting up while he was lying down. “I wish I gave a shit about others more. I was off in my own world most of the time and didn’t really care about things going on around me as long as I did my work and got home in time.”

Ben laughed abruptly. “You didn’t care about others? You are like the nicest person I know.”

“Bullshit, Solo. You and I have never talked! I could be a sadist and you’d never know.”

“You know Kaydel? Kaydel Connix? Short, looks angry, always has braids in? You helped her back in junior year, in the bathroom after she’d had a mishap.”

Rey frowned. “How did you know about that?”

“Kaydel is my cousin. She had already texted me to bring her a jacket and a tampon, but you had gotten there first. She still talks about it and how thankful she is that you weren’t grossed out or weird about it.”

“I didn’t know how two were related. She’s always been so social and relaxed and you’re…”

Rey didn’t know how to quite proceed. She didn’t want to admit that she had misread him as well.

He wasn’t a self-absorbed asshole that went from picking on her to acting like she was beneath him in the span of five years. He was just a shy kid.

“I kind of hate that you aren’t the dickhead that I’ve built you up to be in my head.” Rey almost regretted the words when they came out of her mouth.

“You had every right to feel that way. I was a dick to you when we were kids. I just hated how my parents adored you and kept on saying how amazing you were at everything.”

Rey blanched. “Wait, you really thought that?”

“Yeah.” Ben shrugged, “I kept on trying to get their attention by doing what they wanted me to do, but in walks this skinny little kid who shows a little interest in mechanics and smiles at my mom once, and suddenly I’m not as good as I could be.”

“I’m so sorry.”

Ben stared at her. “Don’t be sorry. You had no idea. I was just being a shitty kid.”

Rey stared back. God, she had really misjudged this guy. She had made Finn and Poe listen to her for hours as she bitched about him even though her arguments went in circles when she was running out of ammo.

When she came back to herself, she realised she had continuously been staring at him. And him at her.

“We better come out of this alive so that we can give being friends a go.” He suggested softly. She nodded in return. Friends sounded good.

But the way her heart suddenly flipped in her chest didn’t suggest friends.

They continued staring at each other, only a few inches of space separated their faces.

“I should get my phone.”

Rey nodded at him as he moved a little closer to her.

“And probably go home.”

Rey moved her hand up to his chest so she could feel his heart thumping against her palm.

“And get ready for tomorrow.”

He leaned in a bit closer and Rey curled her hand around the neck of his t-shirt.

“And not die.”

And then finally like two worlds colliding they kissed. It was a flurry of hands in hair and mouths sliding against skin.

It was everything and nothing all at once. A supernova exploding. The most natural thing Rey had ever done. The weirdest thing she had ever done as well.

What was this?

This wasn’t her first kiss by any far stretch. Her first kiss was Finn in a drunken dare. Then dozens of other boys in dark hallways and small nooks at house parties.

But this. _This_. It was something completely different. Was it the way he cupped her face gently and brought her a little closer? Was it the way he didn’t try and get his hand under her shirt? Or was it the way he nibbled at her bottom lip enough that she wanted to sink right through her bed.

Rey broke the kiss. “Is this a mistake?”

Ben kissed her softly. Once. Twice. “Maybe?”

“I don’t care.” She brought him back in for another earth-shattering kiss. If this was a mistake she didn’t care. She ran a hand underneath his shirt to the taut muscles he had kept so well hidden throughout his life. She felt a tentative hand on her bare back, and she shrugged off her shirt.

“Are we going to regret this?” He asked.

“No.” Rey dropped her head to his shoulder and gave him a soft kiss on the neck.

She kissed the corner of his lips as a soft smile overtook her face, and he flipped her over, covering her body with his.

_One year later_

Rey was tired. More than tired actually. So fucking exhausted she couldn’t even describe it. She was out in _the middle of nowhere Iran_ and she was thirsty and hungry and she wanted to go back to base and check her mail.

She and Maz had been exchanging letters since she boarded that bus a year ago in Ahch To. She had tried to keep in contact with Finn and Poe, but it became hard with weird hours and new positions in different places. Now they occasionally sent messages into the group chat and didn’t care when the others replied as long as they DID reply.

And Ben…

Ben.

Rey had woken up before dawn the morning she was supposed to leave and Ben had been tucked around her. His nose had burrowed into her hair and his arms were fastened around her waist. She had gone back to sleep and woken up not even hours later in an empty bed with no trace of him left anywhere near her.

His bus had left minutes before she arrived and his mother, always stoic, had kissed Rey on either cheek before pushing her onto her own bus.

“Everything will work out, Rey.” Leia had said to her as she cupped her cheek. Leia never lied.

Rey still remembered his arms as he held her. His smile as he admitted that he’d never felt so wanted in his life. The look on his face when their bodies joined for the first time.

Even though years of strange behaviour from him was countered in one night, his presence had always been there, and it was weird not being there anymore.

_Crait_ was nothing like home at all. It was dusty and sandy and empty as all hell. They had promised to move them out as the war front moved west, but they hadn’t yet.

Until now.

So Rey was sleep deprived, physically exhausted and weighed down by twenty pounds of gear. The transport she was on was rough, and the pilot didn’t seem to want to steer in one direction for long.

She wondered if Poe was hanging around on the base she was headed to.

_Zyzar_ was apparently a base bigger than anything she’d seen. It was well established before she had even left home, and there was a chance she’d see anyone she knew; it would be there.

“Landing gear engaged, hold tight folks.” The pilot sputtered over the crackling speaker.

Rey grabbed her belt and pressed herself against the plane walls. How much rougher could it be?

She found out, though. Soon enough. Her stomach was just about in her throat when the plane touched down. When the hanger dropped and she could finally get a good look at the base, she was surprised that this place was more than a commandment building and some tents. It was actually a town.

They had landed on one of the many air strips that filtered out across the desert, and the command tower stuck out like a skyscraper.

“Welcome to Zyzar.” People shouted on the ground. This place seemed like a fairy-tale compared to where they had been previously.

A fighter jet soared over the top of them and Rey hoped they she would see many of the pilots here, if not one.


	2. Chapter 2

Bullets were raining down on her faster than anything. She could barely breathe between swinging around, firing, and hiding again. Somehow an anti-western militant group had found where she and her squad had gone on patrol and had proceeded to bring hell down on them.

It had been a week since arriving at Zyzar and she hadn’t seen anyone she knew. If she died today she’d be really pissed.

“Fighter jets are incoming!” someone behind her yelled.

“Kanata, we’re going to make a run for it!” Someone screamed at her from the other side of an upturned van. “Cover me!”

As the man in front of her sprinted across the open, she kept her gun trained on the brush that lined the outskirts of the land they were trapped on. When she saw a hint of movement, she opened fire. Someone fell out of the bushes and stayed unmoving on the hot gravel. Another shot rang loud and the structure the soldier in front of her was running towards blew up. With him in it.

“Kanata, you’re next. Run, bitch!” Rey began her sprint. It was at least a half mile of open space that she would have to try her best to not die. Her adrenaline kicked up and she ran hard until her legs were about to give out.

“Infantry this is fighter pilot A-3134, we’re closing in on your location. We see a soldier running across open space. I repeat, this is fighter pilot A-3134 about to hit your location. Please acknowledge.”

That voice. _That voice!_

Rey knew that voice. Like a whisper in her memory coming through a radio half filled with static. She grabbed the receiver from her shoulder and pulled it to her mouth.

“Infantry acknowledged. This is soldier Kanata making an escape one click west of the squads current location.”

The pilot came back on. “Kanata my name is Major Solo, I’m here to pull your ass from hell. Keep running.”

_Ben?_

Gunfire went off behind her and she saw small plumes of gravel shoot up. She started zig zagging, hoping to avoid any stray bullets.

She sprinted harder. She was making it to the old shack or whatever.

“I repeat to the squad leader, my name is Ben Solo and I need you all to retreat south.”

_Ben._

South, though? Rey was going west.

_Ben._

A giant hand or something came out of the heavens and knocked her sideways. A searing pain bit through her side but as she looked for the culprit she could only see the muzzle of a gun handled by an older man mere metres away from her. He shot again and the pain cleaved her in two.

Two wounds, one in her side, one in her stomach.

_Ben._

Please let her live to whoop him one more time.

The man walked over gracefully and stood above her, gun poised between her eyes.

So this was what it was like to die.

To see your own death three inches away from you.

The man cocked the gun once more before he fell forward. With a gaping hole in his head.

She tried to look for her saviour but Rey couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore. It was too much. There was brain matter and blood all over her, and only a little bit was her own.

Scratch that. A lot of it.

“Kanata, I need you to hold on as I remove your helmet.” The voice above her was soothing but strong and husky.

She felt her helmet being pulled off and felt a hand against her cheek.

“Rey?”

She wanted to look up or even just open her damn eyes.

But she couldn’t.

_Ben._

When Ben got called out on a recon mission that afternoon he had been pissed. It was his day off and he had been balls deep in a nap when the intercom had gone crazy. There was a squad on patrol in the south west quadrant of Zyzar who had gotten ambushed. The eight of them had fallen to seven by the time he had entered the cockpit of his plane and as he neared their location, they had dropped again to six. A small figure was sprinting west to the only other structure that could’ve been used for cover when Ben heard her voice over the radio. He was seconds of landing when he realised that he was, in fact, talking to Rey.

_Rey._

Rey Kanata was sprinting across some shit hole of a desert. As he ejected himself and pulled a gun from its holster. Someone in black was running at her from behind and as soon as he saw her fall, he knew she had been hit.

_Rey._

When he started running, only feet away, the man had fired a second shot and Rey’s body jerked at the impact. _Was she even alive anymore?_ Ben hoped that their reunion wasn’t going to be over her dead body.

He fired a shot into the man’s head and he fell forward, just missing Rey’s body.

Her eyes were open just a little bit and fought to drop by her side to remove her helmet.

“Kanata, I need you to hold on as I remove your helmet.”

When he got it loose he tried to keep himself in check.

_Rey._

The last time he had seen Rey she had been asleep peacefully. Her small body had fit right into his and he had woken up with buried in her hair with her hands covering his as he held her.

God.

That night was the one thing that kept him going when he was on the verge of giving up. He thought about how she smiled at him when he was under heavy fire months ago, about how she’d whispered that they’d survive and one day meet again. He thought of her fingers in his hair that had once been short, or the way her lips parted when he went between her legs.

He wasn’t in love, by any far stretch of the word, but he had the small inkling that if they had met like normal people and dated like normal people they would have fallen in love.

But Rey was no longer smiling on her bed, eighteen and happy. She was bleeding out in front of him on some sand and gravel. He fell down beside her and ripped her thick fatigues open to the black tank beneath.

He couldn’t even see the blood but when he placed his hands on her stomach they came away dark. He pulled her up to his chest and checked her back for an exit wound. Two. Good.

Her breathing was shallow but she twitched when he pressed into the exit wounds.

“Med-evac please maintain route. We have two casualties and an injury.”

“Confirmed, major. Evac one minute out.”

Ben looked down at Rey’s pale face. She had always been so vibrant growing up. So loud and full of life and colour and comebacks.

And now...

“I’ve got you, Rey. I’ve got you.”

He held her across his splayed-out legs for what seemed like eons until in the distance, trucks approached.

Ben knew when he arrived back to base that she had disappeared somewhere only doctors would find her. He knew there would be no chance of him doing a _grey’s anatomy_ and running into the med centre screaming her name.

So he did the next best thing.

He walked through the command building on a mission. He knocked on the one door he hadn’t touched in months.

He knocked politely on the door. For some reason he always thought if he had one of those fun knocks his mother would know it was him and deny him.

“Come in.”

That day was not today. Leia Organa-Solo was behind a long desk stuffed to the brim with paperwork. She dressed immaculately in her uniform, with a perfectly pressed blazer and medals gleaming brightly on her breast.

“Hi Mom.”

Leia looked up with surprise and a small smile pierced the hard exterior of her face.

“Ben, darling. To what do I owe this pleasure?”

Leia hadn’t seen Ben in weeks and hadn’t spoken to him physically in at least a few months. They would send missives to each other but never have the time for a face to face conversation.

“There’s a soldier in the med centre who was just evac’d in. She’s got a few holes in her. Could you please update me on her condition? She’s not in my platoon and I have no clearance to see her, but I want to make sure she’s alright.”

Leia gave him a look he knew very well at this point. It was the look she gave him when she knew he was keeping a secret, like when he got his scholarship to Yale but didn’t want to tell anyone because war was imminent. Or when he rocked up back home the morning he was due to leave in the same clothes and tousled hair.

“Do you know her name, at least?” She asked, tapping a pen on a sheet of paper.

Ben sighed and closed his eyes.

“Rey Kanata.”

Leia’s eyes shot back up to him.

“Rey Kanata as in Rey Kanata from Ahch To?”

Ben nodded.

Leia stood up and came around her desk.

“I’m not going to ask questions about the nature of this relationship, but I am going to ask how you came upon the fact that she had been injured.”

Ben looked down from his mother’s penetrating gaze.

“I was the one who called in the med-evac. I was on the field with her.”

Leia nodded and looked out of her small window. Her view was always unchanging. Desert and the occasional fighter jet.

“You were on the emergency call earlier.” She stated calmly. She turned back towards him and placed a hand on his cheek. She hadn’t done so in ages, especially out here in the middle-of-nowhere-Iran. Her hand moved up so it ran through his hair, which had grown significantly from months of not cutting it.

“You should really cut your hair. I don’t know why you haven’t been pulled up on that yet.” Leia said absentmindedly, pulling the hair a little as it grazed his shoulders. His bunkmate Hux kept saying he looked like Snape from Harry Potter.

“No one has had the time. As long as I keep working the shifts I’m doing, my CO won’t see me for weeks. Not like anyone cares at this point. Enemy line is pushing closer, aren’t they?”

Leia withdrew and nodded.

“It’ll be alright, Ben.”

She didn’t offer anything else.

“I’ll check in on Rey and get back to you.”

Ben nodded, saluted and efficiently left the room.

He didn’t know when this barrier between him and his mother was built, but he assumed it was the same time she had sat him and his father down to tell them she was going back to active duty.

But the wall was there and it wasn’t breaking down.

Ben had been asleep for almost an hour before Hux had awoken him.

“Solo, you’ve got a message.” Hux got on his nerves almost all the time, and this was one of those times.

“It can wait until morning.”

“It can’t. It’s from the General.”

Ben opened his eyes and held out his hand. The paper was nothing but a scrap and he almost hated that he was kind of excited to hear from his mother.

_Bed 122, section 3. Not awake but you’re cleared to visit. Have contacted Maz. Mom x_

Ben exhaled forcefully through his mouth. He had been holding his breath the whole time. He got out of bed and grabbed his pants and boots.

“Where are you going?” Hux asked, still stationary next to his bunk.

“I have to report to the med centre.” He said lacing up his boots.

“Why?” Hux prodded.

“You ask an awful lot of question, buddy.”

Hux sighed and fell back into his bunk. He was a good guy, just as annoying as a fly in summer.

“I’ll be back in the morning in time for duty.” And with that he left. Hux was probably going to yap to the nearest person as soon as dawn broke, but right now at midnight there was no chance.

The walk to the med centre took far too long for his liking, and as soon as the nurses cleared him he was running down the aisles of beds until he saw her.

_Rey._

She was hooked up to a ventilator and her whole torso was bandaged to holy hell, but she was breathing and the monitor next to her said she had a heartbeat.

“Hi Rey.” He whispered sitting on the floor next to her cot. He wasn’t sure if patients could hear you or if they were deaf to the world around them, but the talking was doing him good.

“Surprise seeing you here, out in the boondocks of Iran.” She of course didn’t reply but the monitor stayed steady.

“I was going to leave you a note that morning, before I left. But I thought it would be weird. I’ve never had a one night stand before. I’d never even had sex before, so thanks for taking my virginity…I guess. I mean there have been people since but yeah…you were the one that started it all.”

He told her about everything that had happened in the year that hadn’t seen each other. He kept on talking and talking until his voice went hoarse and the nurse came by to give him some water. He told her about his other hook-ups (all three of them) and his bunk mates, and how him and Hux had actually started off as really good friends before Ben became secluded in himself again.

He told her that the military made him outgoing and funny, and that he was a good soldier. He told her about his promotions and how no one knew he was the son of a General until Hux opened his mouth.

He told her about how when he found her on that sandy battlefield, soaked in blood, he was so god damn grateful that she was alive.

He told her that seeing her again had made him nervous and shy and that he felt like he was eighteen again. That suddenly his heart had beat a bit faster.

When he looked up and out the window the sky was beginning to lighten, and when he checked his watch it showed nearly 6am.

“I’ll be back to check on you tomorrow. Rest easy.” He placed a hand over hers for just a second before he backed away and walked back down the aisle of beds.

How could he go a year without seeing someone, barely even thinking of them, and then one glimpse sending him overboard into a protective spiral.

He knew this day would stretch on forever, and he knew he’d regret spending a night awake sitting at the bed side of a girl that barely looked at him twice all through schooling.

But as he reported for duty as the sun breached the sky, the regret never came.

He was due to pilot a transport first thing. Moving troops back from some war-torn abandoned shit hole out west.

Big jets weren’t his forte, but seeing the shells pivoting back and forth throughout the sky, he was glad he was on this mission.

He was one of the best pilots around.

The tarmac he landed on was barely solid anymore. Soldiers were lined up amidst smoke and haze, bags in tow, ready to abandon ship.

“Solo, this shit hole is about to blow. One minute in and then we’re scooting.” His co-pilot was a short guy with thin hair and a nervous energy. He thought initially that the guy was on his first mission or something, but no, he was just super super nervous.

“Buddy, we can’t leave until they’re all on.” The co-pilot shifted in his seat as the soldiers started rushing into the hanger.

Ben heard a shout from the back from out back and started closing the hanger bay door.

“Alright, let’s get out of here.” He pulled back the joy-stick and the jet rose steadily into the air. The co-pilot fidgeted nervously again and adjusted their coordinates and defence systems.

Ben heard pinging from the outside of the jet, thumps that could only mean gunfire. The Jet, falcon class, wasn’t meant to get into the atmosphere, only two thousand feet off the ground. Ben was trying to aim between the sweet spot of cloud coverage and smoke where he could actually see.

This meant that there was the potential for enemy fire.

Which they were currently under.

“Solo, permission to turn anterior defence to-“a shattering boom sounded and the jet swung down. Ben reached for the joy-stick again and pulled up. With adrenalin pumping through him he looked to the nervous co-pilot.

Who was dead in the walkway between their seats.

“Shit.”

A soldier who was sent to head up posterior defence popped his head in, saw the body of the co-pilot and let out some colourful swear words as well.

“Is anyone a pilot?” He screamed into the crowd of rescued soldiers. Ben was hoping for just one braincell in one soldier that knew how to pilot a jet.

Someone pushed past the stacks of soldiers and entered the cockpit.

“I’m a pilot. A good one. What do you need.”

Ben pointed at the seat beside him.

“I’m major Solo. My co-pilot is dead and I need someone to land this bitch of a plane with me in twenty minutes.”

“Aye aye, major.”

The guy slid into the co-pilot’s seat and pulled on his headset.

“This is Captain Poe Dameron, replacing deceased as co-pilot. We’re twenty minutes out from Zyzar base.”

Ben’s gaze shot to his new co-pilot. Poe Dameron was a kid he went to school with. Rey’s best friend.

Amongst the adrenaline pumping through his veins they managed to make the twenty minute flight back to Zyzar without any other incidents. After landing Ben waited until the majority of the soldiers in the hanger had disembarked before taking of his helmet and leaning against his seat.

“Ben? Ben Solo?”

He looked sideways at Poe Dameron and smiled what felt like a grimace. “Hi, Poe.”

“This is fucked man! What are you doing out here?”

Ben shrugged. “Been out here for six months now. Normally I’m in a fighter jet but I was pulled to run rescue today. Thanks for stepping in today.”

Poe shrugged and smiled in that wide puppy dog way of his. He had always been such a chill guy compared to Rey and Finn.

“Nah you’re all good. It’s nice seeing someone from back home. I was with Finn Boyega for a bit before he got transferred to a bigger base out east. I haven’t heard from Rey in a few weeks but that’s the norm out here I guess.”

Ben looked at him and looked down.

Ben didn’t see Poe for days after he told him about Rey. They were on alternating schedules and he felt like at times Poe wouldn’t want to talk to a guy he went to high school with who couldn’t stop his best friend from getting shot. It didn’t help that the last he heard of Rey she had bitched about him for hours on end.

The situation was awkward to say at the least.

So he spent his days on duty and his nights sleeping, talking to Rey or even sleeping on the floor next to her bed so he could be there if she woke up.

She hadn’t woken up yet.

So he kept on talking to her. About his day, about his regrets, about how shitty his luck must be that his co-pilot was shot from 600 feet. He told her that he’d run into her friend Poe, and that Poe probably hated him and _god_ he wished he’d made an effort to make more friends in high school.

But Rey still doesn’t wake up.

But Ben still holds her hand.


	3. Chapter 3

Rey doesn’t know how or when she wakes up, but one second she’s out, and the other she’s awake and staring at a yellowing ceiling.  
“I have to head to duty. I’ll come back again later. Rest easy, Rey.” Someone held her hand and pressed what felt like a kiss to it. Then receding footsteps, then nothing.

When Rey woke up again someone was talking to her.

_Poe?_

He was telling her about his placement all over the place because of his piloting skills, and about how he became a co-pilot mid-flight because the original got shot. About how the pilot next to him was none other than Ben Solo. He told her that he missed Finn and even Rose, and that he missed her.

“Please wake up soon, babe. I miss hearing you bitch.”

When Rey woke a third time, she was alone. Her throat ached and her stomach ached, and everything just fucking hurt inside her. 

“Private Kanata? Can you hear me?” A nurse was shining a pen light into her left eye.

“There you are, Kanata. We’ve been waiting for you to wake up. The doctor will be here in just a second to check on you.”

But Rey closed her eyes again and drifted off.

When Rey opened her eyes again, she wasn’t alone. Leia Organa-Solo was sitting at her bedside holding her hand.

“Leia?” Rey croaked. Leia jumped a little but bent over to lift a glass of water into her mouth.

“Hi Rey. You’ve given us all quite the scare.” Leia adjusted herself to face Rey more fully. She had thinned out quite a lot and looked infinitely more tired than she had throughout the fifteen years of knowing each other.

“How long?” Rey managed to push out.

“About a week and a half. Gave your friend Poe a scare. And Ben.”

Rey’s heart thudded a bit harder in her chest.

“Ben is here?”

“Was.” Leia sighed. “He was relocated out to the front lines a few days ago.”

Rey closed her eyes a little, and if it weren’t for Leia’s hand in hers she would’ve fallen back asleep.

“And Poe?”

Leia smiled. “He’s still here. Anxious to see you when you’re cleared. The doctor says you’ll be good to go tomorrow.”

Rey nodded. She felt like ass, but she knew it was only temporary.

“I’m saying this as a mother, Rey, but you’ve made a lot of people anxious. Ben isn’t here to say it, but he’s happy you’re fine. You had him very worried.”

Rey swallowed even though her throat was beyond dry.

“Thank you, Leia. For being here.”

Leia nodded. “Don’t thank me yet. I’ve pulled a few strings to have you on desk duty with me until you’re fit to be back in the field.”

Rey smiled and tried to open her mouth to say thank you, but she was too tired. The lights were too bright.

Ben hadn’t slept in days. Every time he went to shut his eyes a siren would go off or an explosion would rock the tent he was stationed in.

What he would give to have a full night sleep.

Many of the pilots had started giving out caffeine pills to each other, just so they wouldn’t crash the fighter jets into the ground or any mountains.

“Solo, up we go buddy.” Hux shook him. Ben turned over immediately. He wasn’t asleep. He couldn’t be asleep.

“Yeah. I’m up.”

When Ben couldn’t sleep, which was often, he thought about his childhood. About the people he grew up with and how everything had just turned to fucking shit.

He remembered his mother only being home for a few months of the year, and when she was home she wasn’t _home_.

Leia Organa-Solo was a top notch general, but kind of a shitty mother. Dinner conversations were filled with strategy talks between her and his father, and when Leia finally decided to leave the military to be closer to her son, he was so god damn excited.

But of course it didn’t last.

Well, it did last. Six months to be fair.

And then war broke out because some idiot President bombed Iran and they retaliated, and it all fell to shit from there.

But, Ben realised, it had fallen to shit long before then.

It had fallen to shit when he acted out in elementary school to just get his mother’s attention. He had beat up kids and spoke back to teachers and started playground gangs. And when this small, skinny new girl showed up and his mom was besotted with her, Ben reacted the only way he knew how to.

He pushed her, shoved her books out of her hands, made fun of her.

He had been an absolute dickhead.

The revelation hit when he was around fourteen. That’s when he went silent. He stayed within his group of friends but didn’t act out, he tried hard at school to secure a scholarship and get out of home, and he stopped tormenting the new girl.

He just wanted to be someone else; someone who was accepted and loved and was the centre of dinnertime conversations.

It was selfish but it was him. Didn’t he deserve to be selfish?

Weeks went on and Rey became accustomed to her new role as Leia’s slave-girl. She wasn’t a slave, per se, but it was way worse than sitting in a sand dune all day. When Rey finally entered Leia’s office on the first day of her third month as an assistant, Leia handed her a glock and told her to get her ass back out there.

So that’s where she was.

In a sand dune.

Was it wrong that she missed it? Probably.

“Back up arriving from the south.” Someone’s voice barked in her ear. One less thing to worry about.

“Lieutenant Kanata, you’ve got six gunmen a mile east of you. Toothpick, please?”

Rey tightened her grip on the trigger glared through the mirage coating half the desert. She had gotten to become a decent sniper in the year and a half since she’d joined. So when squad mates asked to her ‘toothpick’ people, she picked them off one by one. Like a toothpick grabbing pulp from between your teeth.

She saw the back-up arriving over a ridge and picked off another camouflaged shooter.

“This is Major Solo from fighter jet KYLO doing a sweep of the eastern quadrant. Please confirm that platoon 345 is in contact?”

“Confirmed, Major Solo. This is CO Adi Gallia. Do you have orders?”

Rey’s heart thumped painfully in her chest.

“Yes, Gallia. I’m here to get you all out of this mess.”

Sand blew up in front of Rey in two parallel lines. Fighter jet gunfire. More gunfire rained down from other fighter jets.

Previously, even though she refused to acknowledge it, Rey knew they were totally fucked without back up. It was fifteen of them versus over a hundred militants.

She was thankful, as much as she hated to admit it.

Ben was true to his aim, and in less than an hour he had cleared a path for the infantry to move through. He was hearing chatter on their radio waves, including from a sniper that was hidden somewhere in the ridges.

“Lieutenant, we will be reconvening north. Please confirm.”

“Confirmed.” A voice whispered back.

Ben knew that voice. He knew her from just one word.

But in the months since they’d seen each other; since he’d been transferred to the middle of nowhere and received zero sleep in return for his troubles, she hadn’t once sent him a message.

That was fine, Ben thought. He had bigger things to care about in this war other than one small orphan girl.

But despite his brain telling him to remain aloof, his heart picked up speed in his chest.

But for now, he would remain silent.

Rey saw the jets disappear over the horizon, and even though she wanted to be relieved that there was no more danger, she was disappointed that not once did she speak up in her radio.

_Ben._

This was the second missed opportunity she had to say something to him. So if she could chalk up the courage once she got to the new encampment, she’d send a letter.

Maybe.

_Ben._

As much as she didn’t want to think about him…couldn’t _afford_ to think about him, her brain went there when all else was quiet.

His smile. His hands. His dark eyes.

She internally hit herself. It was one night when they were eighteen. People had always said that your first would always hold a special place in your heart, but Rey didn’t realise that her ‘special place’ was in fact, her whole heart.

Leia would occasionally drop in small updates here and there, but Rey never broached. Poe never spoke about him, or her injuries, so she remained silent.

Rey was awoken near midnight by gunfire. A lot of gunfire.

Ben was sprinting to the truck that was filling quickly. A distress call from an encampment not even three miles away was under attack. Severe gunfire, he was told.

With a rifle in his arms and a glock on his hip, he ran.

Rey had barely enough time to lace up her boots before the roof over her head went up in flames.

The brisk desert night air cooled her arms, and she hated herself for not reaching for her thick jacket before her shoes. Her black winglet was lacking.

She fumbled in the sand for a second before touching something soft. Something human.

It was a hand attached to a gun, but not attached to a body.

Rey quelled the surging sickness in her stomach but grabbed the gun anyway.

She didn’t want to look at the hand, or the ring she thinks she glimpsed on their finger.

Fuck.

A bullet whizzes past her and misses by inches. She almost lost a fucking ear to this place.

She opens fire and doesn’t know how to stop.

Ben gets out of the truck and almost steps on a body. It’s a man with red hair missing a hand. His eyes are wide and unseeing and Ben almost gags.

This man looks like he’d be a good person to drink with. Looked. Fuck.

“What dumpster fire have we walked into?” His mutters next to him.

A bullet whistles past and lodges itself in the redheads throat.

“Armitage?” Ben presses his hands to Hux’s neck, but the blood seeps through. Hux scratches at Ben’s arms in a desperate attempt to force air into his lungs.

“Fuck, I got you man.” Ben tried to stop the flow but it’s too much and Hux is scratching and whimpering and then he’s not.

And then Hux is dead and Ben is sitting on sand covered in blood.

“Why couldn’t they have just kept us in the air. We’re pilots not infantry.” Colonel Pryde muttered from next to him. The village of Jakku burned in the background, the firelight giving Pryde a sinister look.

“We’re soldiers nonetheless.” Ben stated, pulling his rifle up.

“That mentality will get you killed, Solo.”

Rey neared the village and raised her gun again. Shots still pinged off the scrap metal huts that the villagers lived in, and the constant maze of junk made a very good hiding spot. She aimed to where she could see a man holding what looked like an AK-47 against two women and a small boy.

In and out.

She fired.

He dropped.

Rey knew that she stood no chance by herself against however many militants, so she chose to trust her wits and just hide.

So far she was doing well.

She moved through the debris until she saw another gunman. She picked them off like cockroaches. 

The closer she got to the village centre, the sparser the debris was.

The more she was in the open.

Rey heard mere footsteps before a force from above knocked her world sideways.

Ben heard a scream and a single gunshot go off as he neared the village centre. He held his gun to the distance and began forward, Pryde veering off behind him.

If it weren’t for firelight glinting off something on the ground twenty feet away from him.

A gun.

Then a man in dirty clothing pressing something down into the sand.

It took Ben one awful second to realise that the something was a someone.

He only knew it was someone because they landed a well aimed knee against the mans chest. Ben heard a gutteral cry and realised that the trapped person was a woman.

He knew where this would lead.

A knife came out of his pocket and into the mans neck almost at the same time as a small Swiss Army knife cam hurtling at the mans neck from the other side.

The man fell on top of her and Rey kicked him off. Her knife was still poised. Ready to be used.

“I had him!” She exclaimed angrily.

“You didn’t.” The soldier replied.

Rey paused.

_No._

_Fucking no._

“I can help myself, thank you.”

The soldier chuckled and moved his shoulder length black hair out of his eyes.

“I’ll believe that when I see it.”

_Ben._

Rey’s heart stopped. Then started. Then stuttered back to life.

_Ben._

She reached out a hand and grazed his arm. He was kneeling next to her, knife held where it had just killed someone.

Rey scrambled to sit up, slipping momentarily on the dirt.

“Ben?”

The man in question stared at her, his eyes wide against the raging fire as it destroyed Jakku.

“Rey?”

Rey lifted her hands to his face. He had a jagged scar running down the left side of his face, but he was still beautiful.

Painfully beautiful.

_Ben._

Suddenly Rey felt the satisfaction, the completeness of solving a puzzle. The final piece clicking in.

Hope? Yeah, it was hope.

Ben placed his hand over hers and softly closed his eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

_Six months later_

Rey stood sentry, her arms by her side. She was in her dress uniform, stifling hot in the early summer heat. After over a year of war Rey had started to realise that she valued comfort and cleanliness over anything else.

Including ceremonies giving her a medal.

As it turns out being in the wrong place at the wrong time was kind of a good thing. The village of Jakku was a small populace of mostly women and children, and by taking out active shooters and almost dying, they had somehow done something obscenely good.

She could spot Leia and Han Solo in the crowd ahead of her. Leia wore her dress blues and looked so damn majestic compared to her husband, whom Rey was sure was wearing jeans.

Behind them was Maz, her thick glasses propped up high on her nose. Rey hadn’t seen her adoptive mother since she had gotten on that bus two years ago. Maz had aged forever and a day and streaks of grey ran through her vibrant red hair. There were no more than twenty of them on that stage, and Rey was near the front whilst the only other person she knew was last.

“For merit and honour in defending the defenceless, a purple heart is awarded to Rey Kanata.”

Rey stepped forward, saluted, accepted her medal and stepped back.

She hated this attention.

She’d hate it even more later on when Leia had insisted on throwing a small get together to celebrate the return of most of the town’s children. But Leia’s get togethers were never small, so Rey knew she’d be swarmed for hours by so many people asking for her opinions on politics.

“For merit and honour, exceptional flying skills and distinguished skill, the purple heart and the air force cross are awarded to Ben Solo.”

Ben stepped forward and Rey let her eyes flit across him.

They had met, after how many chances, on a battlefield. Rey had touched him and marvelled at how he’d been able to grow his hair as long as he had. She had held his face in her hands and thanked the gods that she wasn’t building him up in her head through months of separation. He was as wholesome and amazing and gentle as the day they had left. And when he cupped her face in his hands and rested his head against hers and smiled…that god damn smile had almost ended her.

In the months before they returned home, they had been constantly touching. A hand on a shoulder, hands on an arm, grazing past each other just so she could feel the heat emanating from his back. But they hadn’t kissed. They hadn’t slept together.

They had just _been_ with each other.

But seeing his hair short again, his body framed against the rolling hills of the capital…it had brought something out in her again.

Her heart thumped in her chest.

She looked out on the crowd and smiled softly. Poe and Finn were looking smart in their uniforms, with Rose in between them in a cleanly pressed skirt and blazer.

Rey thought back to months ago when she was on active duty. She would have given the world to be standing here, back home, with a medal on her breast.

And she hoped to god she didn’t go back out there.

They all thought that the war would last another few years. It had become more than a political agenda, and now militant groups were trying to overthrow each other for more power in any region.

Rey didn’t give a shit about that anymore. She just never wanted to step foot in the sandy front lines again.

Leia had invited literally everyone Ben had ever known (and many more he didn’t) to this party. More and more people kept arriving and Leia just greeted them cheerfully, passed them a glass of champagne, and involved them in whatever chat she was having.

Ben had been the apple of everyone’s eye for the first few hours, but now he was searching for just one person.

He heard a laugh from across the room and he tried to look above everyone to locate its source but people just seemed to flock around.

“Sweet Jesus, mother Mary and Joseph.” Ben whispered to himself. He saw Gwen Phasma, a girl he went to school with flicker in recognition when she saw him, and he knew he had to get out immediately.

If one more person congratulated him…touched him or told him he was a hero.

He would much rather get shot.

Ben disappeared behind a woman holding a glass of wine and made a break for his room.

His mother hadn’t changed his room at all since he left, so when he shut the door behind him he was very surprised to see a new addition lounging on his bed in a long sleeved white dress.

“Rey?”

She was finally here.

_Fuck._

She sprung up from where she was lounging, looking at the pictures he had taped onto his wall.

“Ben”

It didn’t matter how much Ben saw her nowadays, how often he placed a hand on her shoulder or grazed his hand against hers, she was incredibly pretty.

Beautiful?

Stunning.

“Fancy seeing you up here.” He stated simply, leaning against his door.

She smiled and pointed to the various photos lining his wall. “I had to escape for a little bit. I didn’t know you kept photos?”

They weren’t amazing by any far stretch, but Ben was pretty good with a camera. They were photos of his friends, his parents and a young Ben with his dog Chewie.

Chewie was now old and hung out in the back yard more than anything.

“Yeah I feel that. It’s so stuffy downstairs. Everyone somehow wants to talk to me.”

Rey nodded and patted the bed next to her.

“I feel like we haven’t talked in so long. Unless it’s about strategy or battle plans. How are you?”

Ben smiled and came to go sit next to her. “I’m good. Overwhelmed, though. It’s so weird being home again where nothing has changed but so much has for me.”

Rey nodded. “I’ve still got scars on my stomach from the firefight.”

Ben grimaced and reached for her hand. “It’s fine, though. They’re a part of you now. Plus, it’s not like they’re on your face.”

Rey laughed softly. “Yeah, but my bikini body will never be perfect.”

He pulled her to him and pressed a small kiss to her head. Mindless affection on his behalf until he smelt the coconut of her shampoo and the freshness of her perfume.

“You already are perfect.”

Suddenly it wasn’t so innocent anymore.

Rey’s breath paused and halted several times before she turned her head to look up at him.

Ben swallowed down a breath and just spoke:

“Can I kiss you?”

“You’ve done more than kiss me before, Ben Solo.”

So he cupped her cheek with his hand and leaned in. So softly that he felt the static against her lips before he felt them press against his own.

He was so in love with her, from the first time he buried himself in her after having the most in-depth conversation in his eighteen years of existence, to now.

_I love you I love you I love you I love you…_

“I love you.” Ben whispered against her mouth.

Rey stopped a breath short against his lips.

“What?” Ben wasn’t sure if her voice cracked or if his ears had malfunctioned.

“I love you, Rey.”

Rey cupped her hands around his neck.

“Since when?”

“Since always? Since you told me my opinions were wrong, maybe even before then?”

Rey pressed her forehead against his and he heard her take a shuddering sigh.

“Ben…”

“I don’t care whether you love me back. I just want to-“

“I do.” Rey sputtered. “I do love you back. More than anything. Jesus, I just…”

She tapered off and just kissed Ben. He ran his hands underneath her dress, tracing her upper thigh with her fingertips. He kissed her back, pouring as much as he could into it. How many times had he almost lost her?

_God he fucking loved her._

Rey adjusted herself on his lap and he felt a shot of adrenaline shoot through his body, and god he hoped that she wouldn’t notice the new protrusion coming out of his pants.

She slipped her hands underneath his shirt, tracking his midsection, fingers delving lower against his waistband.

“I love you, Ben.”

A smile broke apart his face.

Rey woke the next morning locked in warmth. Ben was curled around her, much like the last time. But this time he wasn’t eighteen and awkward, he was twenty-one and had moved past his first-time nerves. Now it was just a skilled mouth and a massive-oh. Fingers had moved down to between her legs.

“Morning.” He whispered against her hair. “Is this okay?”

She let out a gasp and moved his hand lower.

“That’s a yes, then?”

Rey turned in her spot and kissed the underside of his chin.

“What do you think?”

_Epilogue_

Ben was always awkward around Poe and Finn. Rey’s two best friends were seemingly overprotective and harsh around him. Not that he didn’t understand why.

But in the three years him and Rey had been together, they had warmed up. It didn’t mean that Ben wasn’t still wary, it just meant that he could finally relax whilst sitting on their couch watching Netflix.

“Yo, my boy, this movie is wack.” Finn stated with a mouth full of popcorn.

Poe nodded solemnly. “That’s why it’s nominated for an Oscar. That’s like the criteria now.”

Ben chuckled. He pretended to know what half the Oscar nominated movies were going on about, but truthfully, he had no clue.

But he loved how Rey dissected every movie, trying to find the meaningful parts. They had this tradition every year, where the four of them (sometimes Rose, but it had gotten harder since she was waddling around pregnant now) would sit there and watch all the Oscar nominated movies, and then try and guess which ones would win.

Ben had the best track record, but Rey came in a close second.

They were midway through the last movie of the afternoon. It was some deep movie about divorce and murder and whatever, and Rey was hooked.

“Shhhhhh. Can’t you see this is important!”

Finn kicked her in the back. “You only pretend to get these movies, Rey. They don’t make any sense to anyone.”

She raised an eyebrow, but Ben didn’t have the heart to correct everyone that she actually spent hours on Wikipedia looking through facts and background information.

“I can’t wait to shut the door on your faces when Ben and I leave in an hour.”

Ben knew damn well that she loved her friends, and if it were up to her, she’d bring them to Ben’s childhood home for their monthly family dinner.

But Ben was thankful that this month she chose not to extend the invite.

He had enough on his plate.

Rey knew that something was off the moment that Ben steered her into her old backyard before they’d even made it into Leia and Han’s home.

The yard still had her old shed, the fenceless drop down the cliff face to the ocean below and the grass that was slightly too long.

“God, we haven’t been here in years. Not since moving all my stuff into the new place.” Rey constantly called their house the ‘new place’. Not because it was exceedingly new, but because they didn’t want to call their new rented four-bedroom townhouse a ‘home’. It was in the suburbs of Naboo, a rich city up the coast. Further away from their family than any of them wanted, but it was close enough to Rey’s work as a teacher and Ben’s work as a political science associate professor at Yale.

“Maz still doesn’t know how to mow a lawn properly. Thank god your Dad comes over every so often to…” Rey turned around, ready to continue her conversation with her boyfriend, before stopping short.

Ben was kneeling in the grass, hair messy from hands being run through it so many times, and hands shaking holding up a ring.

“Ben…”

“I love you. I’ve loved you since you walked into my life years ago and took all my mother’s attention. I loved you the moment we first fucked, to last night to right now. I found you in the middle of a war, and I lost part of my soul when I said goodbye. I never want to feel that again. I never want to _let go of you again_.” Ben’s voice cracked and he looked up at his wide-eyed girlfriend with wet eyes.

“I love you. More than anything. So, marry me. Marry me and be Rey Solo, or Solo-Kanata or even just Kanata I don’t care as long as-“

“Yes.” Rey fell to her knees and crawled towards him. “Yesyesyesyes. Yes. I-yes!”

Ben took her in his arms, so different from holding her as she bled out.

He slipped the delicate ring onto her finger and pressed his head to the crook of her neck.

“We’ve been through more than what some people go through in a lifetime.”

Rey nodded against his hair and pressed a long kiss into the soft strands.

“I could’ve done without the war, but…you found me. You found me there.”

He adjusted himself so that him and Rey could sit properly to watch the slow sunset.

“Do you think we should go inside to your parent’s soon?” Rey asked.

“Nah.” Ben laughed. “Let them wait.”


End file.
